The 2009 Yamaha VMAX  

Wow, but why? 

197hp, 123 lb/ft of torque and 1,679cc of displacement! All wrapped in shiny black and much chrome, the 2009 version of Yamaha’s VMAX is now a reality. 

I must confess that although the original has been around for 20 years, it never attracted me, nor does it now. The only such bikes that I have met were far too noisy at all speeds, and the riders’ attitudes left me cold. That being said, if one aspires to be a Darth Vader clone, this might indeed be the right ride for you. 

On reading the specs as presented in the August issue of Cycle Canada, I am now completely boggled. Have the manufacturers not noticed that motorcycles still run on two wheels? And on two rather small patches of rubber in contact with the road? I challenge anyone to use all 197hp and keep those two small contact patches stuck to the pavement. 

New motorcycle technology is amazing: astounding power, acceleration, suspension, braking – but where are the riders who are capable of utilizing this technology? Not, I suspect, the middle aged novice with mega-bucks to spend on image enhancement. Available motorcycle horsepower out-of-the-box has gone from impressive to simply foolish. Race replica 600cc and 1-liter sport bikes are one genre and I do understand their appeal. But this is something else again. Like the Honda Rune and the current Honda 1,800cc VTX, the Boss Hoss, and the 2,300cc Triumph and others of mega displacement, the new VMAX makes a statement by the manufacturer that they are capable of making such machines and they do because they can – and the market will be there. 

But where does this lead the sport of motorcycling? Not I fear, in the direction of safety conscious and dedicated riders who intend to enjoy riding for many years. These are not machines intended to go places (there isn’t even a provision for luggage) and anyone riding pillion had best be prepared for a very uncomfortable session. These machines are primarily ego enhancement toys to impress other like minded souls; statements of “look at me.” None of this is a bad thing – I just hope that those who are busy doing the impressing do not end up as painful statistics. These are seriously powerful and heavy machines and they do not flick lightly around tight corners – or parking lots either for that matter. Operators beware. 

After many years of riding – and I might add, of riding many, many miles far from home, I do not understand the rational behind such extreme horsepower or displacements. Yes, I ride a woosy old airhead BMW that puts out less than 50hp – but I really don’t see the need for quadruple the power. I can travel at considerably over the posted limit if I choose and keep up with traffic all day on HWY 401; there are gobs of power for overtaking and the bike is quick and responsive on less-than-perfect surface conditions. The bike is light and compliant and ideal for everyday riding – rain or shine. Should I choose to ride two-up, there is still plenty of power. To quote a fellow vintage motorcycle enthusiast and good friend, “While some argue that we old folks don’t have the imagination or oomph to work and ride new bikes, I disagree – we have learned to want to be in tune with our environments, and enjoy the feeling of competence that comes with a good match.” 

Yes new bikes, like new cars, are universally shiny and appealing, but measured against the initial costs and insurance and the constant angst of dirt and dents and scratches – where is the gain? And where do you go on a bike with no saddlebags or even a tank-bag? (Spoils the looks, you know!)  Donut shop here we come!!  

Maybe women aren’t supposed to understand such things!  The  lack of testosterone can affect one’s thinking processes – and thank goodness for that! Ride Safe and Ride Often! – Alison Green 

Alison and her bike of choice, BMW's great GS80 

All of my life I have been in the lucky position of assuming that good health is the normal state, and that anything less is an aberration that will soon pass.

Not that there haven’t been periods of serious discomfort – but almost always it has  been of the easily identifiable, structural sort: sprains, bruises, stitches and such like. This is pain of a known source – and I can cope. I also am usually acutely aware of just what caused the injury and make mental notes to myself to not perform that particular foolish maneuver again. One injury per stupidity is plenty, thank you.

On those rare occasions when internal plumbing has caused me discomfort for more than minutes, I become absolutely convinced that I am going to die immediately of some rare and untreatable disorder – likewise headaches become aneurisms for certain! I do not read medical books for the same reasons; there just isn’t time for one body to suffer all of the maladies that exist, and I would soon become the world’s worst hypochondriac.

Where am I going with this thread? Motorcycles and mechanical hypochondria! Working as I do for long weeks in a camp environment, I spend far too much time on the internet. There are discussion forums on every conceivable topic, and innumerable ones related to all things motorcycle. Name the model and make and year, and there will be a discussion board pertaining to just that bike. Great stuff – but I’m beginning to think that some of these guys (almost always) must spend about 23 hours per day creating instructions for others. When do they sleep? Ride? Work? Given this new perspective, I’m now convinced that venturing beyond the driveway on my bike might be tempting the fates …

Things that haven’t concerned me for 30 years are apparently serious issues that need monthly attention. Help!! How will I ever cope with all of the maintenance and checking and measuring that is supposed to be done almost daily?

Take the output splines for the drive shaft on my old BMW for instance. The experts on the ‘net would have me tear apart the back end of the machine twice a year to re-lube these splines! My bike is a 1975 model and fairly high mileage at this point (over 200K). I think that it was 1986 (clutch was slipping) when my mechanic had everything apart and we had a good look at the splines. No wear, well lubed and happy. He cleaned them off, re-lubed them and that was that. Then in 2001 it was time for some serious top-end work on the bike. Same story: splines were fine but cleaned and re-lubed because we were there … And all this time I haven’t been worrying. It is like being told that I am a negligent mother and that my carelessness makes me utterly unfit to be the owner of such a highly bred machine as a BMW.

But the darn thing still runs fine and has never let me down!

I’ve driven all of those carefree miles without concern and assuming all the while that the bike would get me there and back without problems. Now I’m not certain that I should even ride it around town. Heaven knows, I haven’t adjusted the what’s-its for at least four weeks!

Somehow, a certain degree of ignorance really is bliss: Regular maintenance, fuel in the tank, air in the tires, good brakes, good riding gear – and go. For now I will stick to my routines and the maxim “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” After 33 years and many happy miles, I must be doing something right. Keep smiling. – Alison Green 

Alison Green in her shop bringing a BMW GS80 back to life 

There never was any concrete plan to restore or resurrect abandoned and abused air-heads, but somehow for the past six years, my garage has become a winter workshop. Let me hastily add that I make no claims to being a mechanic. I just can’t stand the sight of an otherwise lovely old boxer resting derelict under a pile of accumulated debris. It must be rescued!

My mechanical experience, limited as it is, has accumulated along with a substantial assortment of bits and pieces over the course of a 33 year acquaintance with my now venerable R60/6.BMW. The /6 has served me faithfully in spite of my meddling with its works.

This has led to a somewhat inflated estimation of my own abilities in the workshop, the fact that the R60 has been all but bulletproof notwithstanding.

Four years ago, with the confidence of the uninitiated, I purchased a lovely 1973 R60/5 that had languished unloved in the back of a shed since 1985. On first examination it appeared complete if more than a bit tired, especially the rubber bits. Now, general motorcycle grunge is quite familiar, but this was grotty to a new degree! Apparently it had been driven for some miles with no rocker-cover gaskets installed and the resultant oil spray had done of fine job of rust proofing the back two-thirds of the machine. Parked with its coat of oil, the family cats had proceeded to use various bits as scratching posts and sleeping quarters. There was a large and hairy blanket thrown casually over the whole lot when first exposed from behind the usual assortment of garage collectables. Now this would not normally be a problem, but I am more than a little bit allergic to cats.  Consequently, the removal of the exterior layer of oil/grease/cat hair/grime caused an inordinate amount of sneezing and wheezing on my part. This was not at all an agreeable process. That accomplished, I set out to see if this could be resurrected into a useable machine.

Never having attempted such a project before, I approached the whole business with some degree of trepidation. I decided to start with those operations that were most familiar. Strip off all of the bodywork and set aside; change all fluids, drop the oil pan and degrunge; pull both wheels, check bearings, clean, new tubes and tires; replace points, set valves, fork seals; vigorous cleaning of engine housing and removal of quite an assortment of stray pieces (battery box, handlebars, brake linkages, signal lights, etc.)

Now I had a fairly serious assortment of bits and pieces to clean and re-install. I was reasonably diligent about bagging and labeling parts but for those of you who regularly have bikes disassembled my concern over finding the appropriate home for all of the parts would be laughable. I was quite pleased when there was nothing left in the parts boxes but some lint.

Fortunately, the tank had been left empty and was in tolerably good shape inside. However, the carbs were seriously gunked up and were summarily removed and sent to Al Blanchard (Blanchard’s Motorcycle Works, Port Hope, ON) for him to work his magic with them. I just wasn’t going to go there (this time). Needless to say, the old Everbest petcocks did not stop the flow of gas regardless of the position of the handles. Some Internet research and a very helpful page from Craig Vetich, and a trip to the gasket supply place, and I was on my way. My partner milled a couple of job-specific tools for the operation and the petcocks were disassembled re-lined with cork and re-assembled. The first one was nasty, the second a lot easier. The best part - they worked just fine! They are not nearly so difficult to rebuild as expected. It is a somewhat tedious operation, but straightforward.

With a new battery charged and installed, and with fingers tightly crossed, I could now check all of the various electrical components - originally the bike had sported a rather abused and cracked Vetter fairing which I had removed and (hopefully) correctly re-wired all of the necessary functions. Eureka! The signals worked, indicator lights worked, brake lights worked. Now for the big moment.

On a suitably warm day in May, my now shiny and pretty ‘project’ bike was wheeled outside for the big moment. As I have had little experience with BMW kickstarters, and this model sported a starter button, guess which one I tried. I had also never encountered the ‘tickle’ carbs before, but Al’s advice was fairly simple. Poke the button until gas drips on the ground. OK, but then what? I tried the starter button - silence. Damn! Pulled in the clutch and tried the button - it fired and started in about two seconds! Subsequently I stalled it a few times but it actually ran! German engineering to the rescue. I was absolutely elated! In time I even mastered the kick start routine, although never with any degree of elegance. Thankfully she always started on the first or second kick and only once tried to kick back. I never did locate the starter-button glitch as sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t...

Some more assistance from friends and the local mechanical guru and the carbs were tuned and balanced and she was purring like the proverbial kitten. I couldn’t have been more pleased if I had built the bike myself.

Various people had warned me that after so much time and effort I wouldn’t want to part with the bike. They were right! However, common sense prevailed and I sold the /5 later in the summer. I hope she has a good home ...

Since then, I have continued to invest in a ‘project bike’ each winter. Every one quite different but all have been Airhead BMWs. If nothing else, I am really getting quite good at detailing! Occasionally I get in over my head (and mechanical abilities). Fortunately there are many friendly and knowledgeable people available to come to my assistance. Most of all, I must thank my husband for tolerating and even encouraging my motorcycle habit; and for quietly accepting the occasional very late dinner when I am totally immersed in one of my bike projects. – Alison Green